By Scot Becker on 5/10/2009 3:13 PM

My day started at 5:30 AM. After getting to bed way too late considering the early rise, I crawled out of bed and got into my running gear. Cheryl's folks and Cindy showed up soon thereafter and we got on the road to the MOA. By 7:40 or so Cheryl, Bob, and I were trotting down 24^th Avenue.

I don't know the official count of the folks running the 5k. I thought the announcer said something about how they were expecting about 1,700 but he and I agreed: there were way more people than that running. After running a quarter mile or so down 24^th we turned up a slight hill: My view was a sea of runners.

It was amazing and inspiring to see so many people up so early and putting in that kind of effort.

Most people had a story. They were running in celebration/memory of their moms, wives, sisters, aunts, and friends. Some were running in celebration of their dads, husbands, brothers, and uncles too. Some were running because they survived.

• I ran alongside my fiancée and her dad (*) whose mom/wife is a 1-year survivor, so we all ran for her;
• I ran for my grandma who perished after a second bout with breast cancer;
• I ran for a few other people I know who've done a dance with this shitty disease;
• I ran for everyone else there with their own stories; and
• Finally, I ran for everyone who gave us money (as of the time of this writing, the team has raised over $1,000) and donated time and profits.

There was no way I was going to let any of those people down and quit.

I intended to run for time and beat my last fall's 5k results. That didn't work out for me, but there were too many people to run for time anyway. But still, I managed to finish in a little over a half hour, which considering the training setbacks I've had over the past month or so, I was pleased enough with.

If the run left me inspired, the subsequent 5k walk blew me away. They were estimating 50,000 people and again they underestimated. At one point we could see nearly a mile of the course; it was packed with people walking.

Many more people and many, many more stories – and even more survivors were joining in. Think you're tired after running a 5k and then walking the course again? Well, take a look at that frail lady over there with the scarf that is probably still doing chemo treatments. She's doing fine, so quit whining. Or look at the bald guy walking to raise awareness of (and cope with having/being treated for) male breast cancer – him and the 20 people with him in matching shirts that just got done manning the informational booth. You'll quickly decide that you aren't doing nearly enough. Or maybe seeing the 4-year old boy walking in memory of his mom will make you realize what this is all about.

It's impossible to see something like this and not be inspired. When I signed up, I had thought I'd participate to: a) do some good, b) lend moral support to my new extended family, and c) have a nice training goal to keep me in shape. I didn't expect to be so awestruck.

We're doing this again next year. Want to join us?

(*) Bob never ran any sort of distance like this before. He thought he'd only be able to run for a bit and then walk the rest telling Cheryl to not wait up for him. He kept pace with Cheryl the whole time.

By Scot Becker on 4/4/2009 2:43 PM

Update to the previous post: I'm watching an interview with Bob Mould and he was saying (I'm paraphrasing) that the best thing about the internet was the fact that you can find like-minded people no matter how small of a community (he cited a made-up sub-culture of 6 people as an extreme example).

This made me think of what I wrote before and how I happened, by random chance, to find my like-minded people in Husker Du. I wonder if the current "young" generation thus can't really get what I'm talking about when I was so profoundly impacted by a cassette tape (aptly named Metal Circus, no less) that was loaned to me in a junior high metal shop class.

In general, it's arguably better now that you can find those like-minded people but I wonder if instant access to people who think like you is sometimes ultimately detrimental. Perhaps it leaves out the lessons learned from occasional alienation. I wonder if such people will spend less energy on introspection. To say nothing of the fact that it can lead to the echo chamber affect (e.g. if you are conservative and you only watch Fox News, what chance to you have to hear and consider another perspective fairly presented?).

By Scot Becker on 3/31/2009 7:29 PM

If you've been following my Twitter and/or Facebook feeds, you know that PRG and I went to see Bob Mould in concert last night. I was originally going to post some fan-boy thing about why I dig the man so much, but I got to thinking along tangential lines that might be more interesting.

But first, the fan-boy drivel. Flashback with me to days of teen angst and oh-boo-hoo-no-one-understands-me….

Husker Du blew my mind. Their music was loud, distorted, and yet melodically complicated and beautiful. And man-oh-man did they play fast.

While I got into the more hard-core bands of the day too, and in many respects they were similar, Husker Du was something very different, somehow. They had managed to channel anger and aggression in a beautiful way.

When they sang, "I don't know why you want to tell me/when I'm right and when you're wrong/It's the same thing, in your mind, the only time/I'm right is when I play along" I knew I wasn't alone in my thinking. I had a non-conformist streak and a healthy skepticism of anyone in a position of authority. In Husker Du, I found that my thoughts had a voice and I knew I was on the right track; or at least the right track for me. They weren't going to be spoon fed by people (media/authority/the masses/et. al.) with ulterior motives any more than I was. I saw a guy on twitter who had a bio of "Flipped my wig at age 22 and it never grew back…." and I know exactly what he was talking about.

As life got more complicated and, for me, hard, Bob's music was still there. Sugar got me through some very dark days. And, as we both aged and got more reflective and philosophical in our dispositions, Bob and I still hung together.

As an aside to my aside: PRG tells me that after shows like this I should try to meet the people and tell them what their work means to me. She figures they'd like to hear it, or perhaps don't even realize the scope of their impact. I'm too reserved for that; I'd feel like a gushing idiot. And I imagine I'm not the only one with these experiences as we tend to be drawn to people/experiences that we need to be drawn to, so I imagine a lot of his fans have had similar experiences and revelations from his work, and, well, after so many years he is bored by hearing about it. But I'll meet her halfway; perhaps Bob will have a Google Alert set up and will find this post. Who knows…

OK, enough with the man-crush, the point is that the guy managed to profoundly impact my life, and how cool is that? And he's not alone. Henry Rollins got me off my ass and pushing weights in the air and pretty much got me on the road to losing nearly 40% of my excess body mass -- to say nothing of how his DIY work ethic inspires me today. And then there is Emerson; his essay "Self-Reliance" was, and for all intents and purposes still is, a personal anthem.

I've seen it written that most artists do what they do because they are just driven to express themselves. And, basically, that is all. Some crave the attention/adoration I suppose, but I think true artists just have a need to express themselves and they wouldn't do anything different even if no one came to their shows and no one bought their stuff. I suspect Bob is like that. I'd like to think that even if the only way he could support himself was by washing dishes at some Washington, D.C. Perkins, he'd still be making music.

So, my larger point is that artists, as I defined them above, are accomplishing 3 things: 1) they are satisfying their urge, are doing what they truly love, and it's the only life for them, 2) they are working and supporting themselves, and 3) they are profoundly impacting the lives of others – in a positive way – in ways that are probably impossible for them to foresee while they are creating their art.

And I'm envious.

It often seems that when I do my job really, really well, at best I'm making rich people richer. I suppose I have an occasional gig for the government where I can indirectly help people, but, for the most, part item three above is not being satisfied (and on more days than I'd like item one is lacking as well).

But maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I met PRG at work and I'd hope she'd say that I impacted her life in a positive way. I often do some mentoring and maybe I'm helping others advance themselves. But these seem less direct than what I'm talking about with art. And with the possible exception of raising children, I aver that most people don't live the kind of existence where they can make that profound of a positive impact on others.

So, I'm returning to the concept about how we can each make our own art, and if we can't do it through work, we should find other channels. We all can make great "art" and make something better in the world.

Perhaps this post is a first stab (and I hope it will get better). And in the meantime, while I discover new ways to accomplish this goal, I'll still keep trying to make a difference in the usual ways: charity, kindness, etc. While I won't always succeed (especially with the kindness part, patience is not always my strong suit) I still won't be spoon fed into shrugging and thinking, "Well, what can I do to fix it? I might as well see what's on TV…."

No, I'm going to do something even if I just end up tilting at windmills (*). Bob Mould taught me that.

(*) Please pardon the inside joke. I threw in the out-of-the-blue-mixed-metaphor literary reference for PRG, possibly my only reader: It's my Romeo and Juliet mixed with The Scarlet Letter moment.

By Scot Becker on 3/30/2009 3:02 PM

My nefarious plan to reap 10% discounts is one step closer to fruition: I received my AARP membership card today.

I'm lacking in time at the moment, but I cannot wait to read the benefits directory and start cashing in.

Turn down that noise you call music and get off my lawn!

By Scot Becker on 3/15/2009 10:25 AM

I've set a "stretch goal" (like a lot of business lingo: stupid term, solid concept) to visit every country on the planet before I die (*). You can view my progress here (summary: I have a LONG way to go). But this post isn't about that, exactly.

The soon-to-be-missus and I were discussing our mutual travel goals last night while waiting for a table. We've got a great European itinerary on deck for our honeymoon (CAN. NOT. WAIT.), but we're already setting our sites on the next destination (yeah, we're impatient like that when it comes to personal growth).

There is travel and then there is Travel. We like both.

Travel is shorter/easier trips, for example: heading to the Caribbean for a week, finding a last minute deal and going to London, going somewhere in the US, and so on. For many people, to include myself and the soon-to-be-missus, Travel is longer and more elaborate; it requires more money, more planning, begging the boss to let you off of work (grrrrr), lots of logistical details, and so on.

I sort of take travel for granted. Of course I'll see a couple of US destinations each year. Obviously I'm going to get the hell out of Minnesota for a week and put our toes in the sand each February. It goes without saying that I will take some sort of summer break to go someplace and unwind even if it is "just" "up north" (do people outside of MN use that phrase?). I'll always have an out-of-state client or conference to go to now and then.

I have my attention turned to Travel. Because of the long flight, going to Australia is Travel. The enormity of seeing China requires Travel. Setting foot on Antarctica is a trendy new Travel destination. The soon-to-be-missus suggested that each of our next Travel destinations take us to a new continent. That sounded like a good idea to me too.

I think meeting my stretch goal is doable with both travel and Travel. We already want to travel to a new county on each spring break, so many of those countries (in the Caribbean and parts of Central and South America) will be pretty easy to check off of the list. Last minute air/hotel deals can allow us to travel to most of Europe (although there is so much to see there, I would prefer to Travel to some European locales).

Financially speaking, for many people, travel is hard to do. We get that. We know how fortunate we are. But it's not just good fortune that makes this possible. While we are both gainfully employed, and live a comfortable life, especially when compared to standards of living around the world, we also make financial/lifestyle choices that allow us to take off on short travel trips without too much scrimping and saving. Don't believe me, and think it is harder than I'm saying to even travel (let alone Travel)? Read on.

Taking a page from Chris Guillebeau, the soon-to-be-missus and I decided to each save $2 a day to meet a 3-year travel goal. Chris describes the concept here (and when you are done with that, check out the rest of his posts for lots of other great stories and inspiration).

Thus, we decided to Travel to China in 2012. I just set up the savings account online and am automatically depositing $60 a month (and the soon-to-be-missus is doing the same).

So, think you can't afford to even travel let alone Travel? For most of you, I call BS: You blow far more money than $2 a day on stupid and/or otherwise unnecessary stuff (as do I). For example:

How much to you spend at Caribou Coffee/Starbucks? When I'm working on-site at a client, I spend at least $2/day, probably closer to $4/day.

Can you save $2 a day by buying a more fuel efficient vehicle? 10 more MPG for me driving to my current client site would save me about $1/day (at current gas prices; $2/day as prices approach $4/gallon).

Do you eat lunch out every day instead of "brown-bagging" it? I tend to brown bag it anyway for other reasons, but I'm quite sure you can save at least $2/day or more by doing this.

How many beers a week do you drink in the bar? I don't drink anymore, but isn't a cheap tap beer at a non-fancy bar about $2 and a better tap/bottled beer closer to $4 or $5?

If you really want to go somewhere but think you cannot, I'm betting your reasons for staying put are something other than money. And perhaps that suits you just fine. I'm not here to tell you what to do. I just think it is possible for you to travel and even Travel if you really wanted to.

My current income/lifestyle (knock on wood) probably affords me the opportunities to Travel more frequently than once every 3 years. But I like the idea of the savings plan anyway. I think a little bit of delayed gratification is healthy (I know many of my friends/family are calling BS on me after reading that, but I do think it is true despite many of my actions in practice). I also like the idea of a relatively trivial amount of money (by US standards anyway) doing something really cool. Plus, I like the spontaneity/variety/convenience of just traveling, so Traveling every three years and traveling a little in between seems like a good plan.

So let me get this straight: If I brew my own coffee I can spend 3 weeks in China? I'm so there.

 

(*) Actually, I have "set foot on the moon" in that list too. I'm pretty sure I can see most if not all countries, but I'm sure about the moon. We'll see (and if you are reading this at the end, I'm guessing that Traveling to the moon will require more than $2/day).

By Scot Becker on 3/10/2009 12:12 PM

I've been "feeling my age" a little lately:

The march of time has left me more sore than usual after my runs. I limp a little the next day while descending the stairs to run again.

I just returned from a doctor's visit where I learned I need some physical therapy on my right shoulder in order to be able to continue my weight lifting regimen. The guy who used to squat a bunch of weight till he was dizzy now can't throw a stick for his dog without wincing and holding his arm still for a minute or two after.

My fiancée is 8 years my junior and doesn't get many of the cultural references from my younger years. Seriously, didn't she have a TV?

And today… I was invited to join AARP.

Screw it, I'm going to reply and give them a check and see if I get a card. I'm not even going to lie about my date of birth.

I figure the person processing the checks is not really paying much attention. I also figure AARP is willing to cash any check they get.

I can't wait to get my card and use it to squeeze discounts out of hotels, airfare, etc.

"Do you offer any discounts for AARP members?" I'll ask while my fiancée looks a little embarrassed that I am running this scam yet again.

"Yes Sir," replies the nice young woman who reminds me a little of my fictional granddaughter, "But you don't look like you are old enough!"

I'll reply chuckling, "Oh, thank you! I never get tired of hearing that. And my daughter here still gets a little embarrassed when young ladies like you flirt with her old man."

It's going to be sweet!

By Scot Becker on 3/4/2009 11:46 AM

Just a few quick updates:

• The bracelets my cousin is selling to generate proceeds to sponsor me in the Race for the Cure (wow, that's a mouthful) are also available for sale at the Artists Mercantile in downtown St. Paul. See the previous link for a map.
• I finished my SpeechCraft class last night. Overall thoughts (too few to warrant a dedicated post): it was certainly worth the money I paid, I was glad I did it before taking the Dale Carnegie speaking course, and I think it has value for anyone wanting to get better at public speaking. I do wish the course forced me to talk more, for example, having a certain number of required speeches. The course curriculum implies there would be one speech every week, but I think that is not realistic when combined with a Toastmasters meeting (with finite time and where club members also want to speak). Thus, if you are hoping to talk a lot, try to find a course that is dedicated just to SpeechCraft and not piggy-backing on a ToastMasters meeting.
• Will I join ToastMasters? Yes, I think I will. I'm going to be looking around for the right club though. I like to maximize the return out of the activities I do, so I think I'm going to find a club that offers professional networking opportunities as well. The club I attended for the SpeechCraft course was great though, just more socially-focused. But I really enjoyed the club members (and the location was perfect for me). Each club is different and your mileage may vary, but consider your goals and interests and then use that to guide you in club selection (there are literally hundreds available in the Twin Cities).
• I've been (nearly literally) flogging myself all week on the treadmill working off the Mexican bacon. I'm beat, but it is going well and I hope to meet my February goals by this weekend (only a week or so behind, which coincidentally is the same amount of time I spent sitting on my fat ass eating and reading by the pool). I'm starting to train 3-days-on-and-1-day-off (i.e. 3 days in a row followed by a one-day break) this week. And my calves can feel it.
• I'm close to officially landing my next 6-month gig. I have a verbal offer and am waiting on the contract/administrivia details to get sorted out. It's nice "working" from home, but I can use the change of pace, challenge of a new project and, of course, the revenue. I won't miss not sitting in traffic though. Seriously people, learn to @#$%&*! drive! He he he.

By Scot Becker on 3/1/2009 9:00 AM

It's time for another update on my efforts to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.

First, some great news:

So far, my team has raised $295 towards our team goal of $1,000! Thanks to everyone who has contributed so far; you guys rock!

We still need to raise more money though, so please consider a contribution. I know times are tight, but every dollar helps.

Second, some more great news:

My cousin Cathy makes really cool hand crafted jewelry. Every year she makes (what I'm calling) ribbon bracelets and donates the proceeds to Breast Cancer charities. Cathy gets it; this is one example of what I mean about using "art" to advance society (from this speech).

This year, she has generously offered to donate all of her proceeds from those ribbon bracelets to sponsor me in the Race for the Cure!

That's right, you can buy a nice bracelet for yourself and/or 50 of your loved ones and closest friends and not only will you/they look good, but you'll be donating a bunch of money to a good cause. Plus, you'll get to support a local artist in that you'll be displaying her work. Try to beat that with a rubber bracelet you bought at Dick's Sporting Goods.

If that is not motivating enough… for those of you (particularly among my friends) that have a darker, more twisted sense of humor: Cathy makes these by hand. I don't know for sure, being largely talentless and all, but I'm guessing making these bracelets is somewhat of a pain in the ass. The more you buy, the more she has to make. See? Kind of fun in a sadistic way....

Whatever your motivation, check them out. More information can be found here.

Third, an administrivia note:

I've created a Race for the Cure page on the website that has all of the relevant links and related information as well as a list of my sponsors (thank you!) to date. Also on that page is a link to a post surgical breast support product created by a friend. The new page can be found here.

Fourth, a training update:

A last minute trip to Mexico ended up hindering my training progress. It turns out that bacon-filled buffets, twice-daily desserts, and lots of laying around by the pool makes it hard to make progress on a running regimen. Who knew? I came back heavier and not able to increase by run rate to meet my end of February goal. But, fear not, I had some extra time built into my training plan and the weight gain has significantly pissed me off enough that I am extra motivated now. Thus, I hope to make up my lost time, meet my February goal soon, and meet my March goal by the end of March (i.e. on time) or very early into April at the latest.

While in Mexico I ran on the beach, which was a lot of fun. Running on a real surface is always a little hard to do at first when you have only been training on a treadmill. I always get sore calves for a few days after each run until my legs get used to running on real ground again. Also, running on uneven surfaces (i.e. the sloped beach) is hard. But, running next to the surf makes it worth it for novelty's sake; I'd just hate to always train that way.

At any rate, I easily ran the 5k on the beach. So it's no question that I'll be able to make the distance; I'm now training for speed which is, if you think about it, endlessly motivating.

Finally:

I want to thank everyone for their support, financial and otherwise. Everyone I talk to about this effort has a personal story about how the disease has impacted them. Sometimes it's hard to hear everyone's stories because my own experiences are similar enough to make it really easy to empathize. But, it's keeping me going and it's reaffirming that I'm doing the right thing.

By Scot Becker on 2/11/2009 10:46 AM

The fourth in a likely boring set of posts on my efforts to get better at public speaking…

Last night's toastmaster meeting was fairly uneventful for me. I didn't deliver a speech this time other than the usual "self-introduction". I did, however, act as "Table Topics Master".

Table Topics are where you make impromptu remarks on the topic of the Table Topics Master's choosing. Usually, the topics are in the form of a group topic where everyone talks about the same topic. More challenging Table Topics come in the form of individual topics for each speaker (more challenging than the latter because if you are not the first to talk about the given topic, you have at least some time to prepare). I enjoy the table topics part of the meeting. I find it a challenge but I also enjoy listening to other people's responses as well. Impromptu remarks are often catalysts for one letting their guard down. The group I'm in is not stuffy or anything, but one often adopts a persona when giving a prepared talk, and it's hard to put up that façade and deliver an impromptu talk at the same time.

I picked a group table topic on community service; "community" being intentionally broad (your family, every human being, the universe, etc.) and service meaning any attempt to help and not just "selfless" (*) acts. I thought it would be a good way to get to know everyone and I was also hoping for some insightful ways (or catalysts to ideas on my own) that I could further render service to my community. I walked away somewhat inspired by the story of a burn unit nurse who acquired some autographed children's books that touch on inner beauty that she gives to especially wounded patients (**).

Being Table Topics Master is pretty much an Em Cee gig though, and I didn't get to talk (the point of the exercise being an impromptu talk and mine would be, by definition, planned). So, while it was fun to do, I found myself being bummed I didn't get the chance to talk. I guess I'm getting more comfortable at the podium and am actually seeking out a chance to talk. Interesting… (to me anyway). Also, I encouraged the new person who is auditing the meetings and trying to decide on joining to get up and deliver another brief speech. She was brought up during the self-introductions and was a little nervous. But she did great, and I told her so (***), and she was a little more confident the second time up. At the end of the evening, she was still non-committal about joining the club, but I think she is getting more comfortable.

I also acted as "grammarian/ahcounter", and no, I didn't need to pin any demerits upon anyone's ass (as previously threatened).

I'm also glad I signed up for this course prior to my more intensive 2-day workshop on public speaking tomorrow. I think I've learned a few things and am also more comfortable giving talks, so I hope to "have a leg up" and can focus on more advanced instruction. If all goes well, I should be completely mentally exhausted by the end of the second day, which is perfect as I plan to quickly embark on my vacation soon after. I imagine I'll write up a summary of that experience when I get the chance.

 

(*) I'm toying with the concept that there really are no selfless acts. Performing such acts usually makes one at least feel good, and with feeling good being a positive benefit, well then….

(**) This epitomizes community service, to me. It's easy to donate money or work in a soup kitchen at thanksgiving. I know because I do similar things. But real community service happens every single day when you just try to make some aspect of the world a little better (or at least suck a little less). Let in the poor shmuck trying to merge. Hold the door for someone. Restrain yourself from getting huffy at a stranger (or from retaliating when someone gets huffy at you). Or… try to help a burn victim begin to understand that her horrible injury is not the end of it all. Imagine what could happen if everyone focused on things like that for at least part of their day, every day.

(***) Even though I called her the wrong name. See, even when I'm trying to be nice I can still be an ass.

By Scot Becker on 2/4/2009 4:58 PM

As promised, another update on my quest to get better at public speaking. Last night, I delivered my second speech, the goal of which was to "be in earnest". As a part of the program I'm in, you give "manual speeches" that are intended to practice various things. Each speech builds on the next. My "Icebreaker" Speech was intended to get me used to giving a speech and to learn how to organize my thoughts into a good speech structure.

Check and check. Organization is not really a problem for me. I pretty much organize my speeches the same way I write, and since I do a lot of writing, it comes pretty natural to me. And, I'm not fearful of public speaking per se; I just don't think I'm good enough at it, so actually getting up there was pretty easy.

This week's speech was intended to get me to deliver on a topic that I felt strongly about. I was supposed to be well organized and lacking in fear ("learned" from the last speech) but also persuasive via earnestness and factual/persuasive content.

Since I've doing a lot of writing about my cancer fundraising, and since I wanted to get some synergy, if you'll forgive me for using that term, it seemed like a natural topic choice. It's easy to be earnest about that (if anything I had to tone down my rhetoric because the lack of a cure/treatment options kind of makes me mad), and, unfortunately I know a good deal about the topic.

This was my first speech of any substantial length (3-5 minutes) and I don't yet have any gauge for how long that is. So, in order to find out (and to re-use the content) I actually wrote out what I wanted to say, which lead to a problem that I'll get to in a minute. My first attempt clocked in at a little over 7 minutes when read aloud word-for-word. The time constraints were useful, in a way, because I had lots of parenthetical material and other digressions (which made it to the footnotes of the posted version) that detracted from my theme and from any focus on being persuasive but brief. The edited version clocked in at just over 5 minutes read aloud, and I knew I would forget some of the exact wording when I delivered the speech on my feet from abridged notes (i.e. you don't stand up there and recite word-for-word from a printed version), so that was about right.

The problem with this approach was twofold. First, I spent more time than I should have word-smithing the text. When in doubt, it's human nature to return to the comfortable and familiar, and for me that is fiddling with the text in Word. The second problem was I got so attached to the prose I wrote, that I was unforgiving when I deviated from it in my notes. I blew about an hour trying to write notes on 3 by 5 index cards that had the word choice I was most attached to before I gave up on that. Then, when I ran through the speech for the first time, I had so many "ers" "ahs" and "ums" while I scrambled to remember the exact words I wanted to use that my 5 minute speech clocked in well over 7 minutes. Not good.

So I went over it a bit, and edited out some more tangents, and got a little better. But then I had to shower. See, part of the delivery is looking good and having just finished a run, and not having showered all day, I looked and smelled like road kill. By the time I got done dolling myself up, I had forgotten some of the mental notes I had memorized and had only 15 minutes or so to get them back. By the time I was ready to leave, I was pretty convinced I was not prepared and no amount of assurances from PRG were going to sway me. I was mainly hoping that there would be others who needed to deliver speeches in their efforts to get the various Toastmasters accomplishments such that I could gracefully donate to them my speech time and come out swinging next week.

But, PRG was right (not for the first time, and certainly not the last), I did ok. I was on the schedule and since I agreed to give the speech last week, I wasn't going to back out now. I figured I have bombed worse in my life, so ****-it, it's game time, let's go….

The toastmaster of the evening is active in Scouting and mentioned what I'm sure is a Boy Scout cliché (if I bothered to look it up): Don't try to be the best, just do your best. If I think too long about that, it seems like the sort of "there are no losers and everyone is special" reassurance that makes us a nation of incapable whiners, but I will grudgingly admit there is some merit to the statement. So, she introduced me, and I took a breath and got up and did my thing. I finished in about 4 minutes, so I must have missed a paragraph somewhere, but otherwise I think I did ok. I lost a few words that I wanted to use (to deliver full earnest impact).

My only nervousness came when I was making eye contact with the ladies in the audience. I was trying to read their faces, and it wasn't looking good. See, everyone is impacted one way or another by breast cancer. In my case however, the impacts are "merely" via people I care about contracting the disease. For all I knew (and know today) there may be a breast cancer survivor in the audience. Hell, for all I knew, one of the women got diagnosed just that day. And here I am spouting off about how everyone should give money to a disease I will likely never get (yes, men can get breast cancer, but it's very rare).

So I'm reading their faces and they seem, I don't know, uncomfortable? Shocked? Hating my guts for rubbing salt in the wound? Wishing I would just shut the hell up and stop reminding them about how brutal the treatment is going to be? You see how my thoughts were progressing at this point….

Thankfully, when it came time for the group feedback, every woman in the group commented and it was all positive. One woman even told me that her mom was a 30-year survivor of breast cancer, and could identify with what I was saying (and assumed someone close to me has been afflicted, so she was touched by that as well). She shared some more of that story and thanked me for taking up the cause. I was relieved, so say the least.

So I was more nervous than I needed to be initially, PRG was right about that, and it pretty much went away by the time I got up to deliver it. Also, I learned not to try too hard to read the faces. Maybe my reads were right (I really hope not) but intent counts for something I suppose, and although I may be dredging up painful thoughts, I was doing so for the right reason.

The meeting had a guest observer. She was there to see what it was all about in case she decided to join the club. They solicited comments from her, and she was talking about how nervous she would be giving a talk herself. I found myself wanting to reassure her that it wouldn't be that bad, and that it's indeed a hurdle but one you are glad to have leapt when it's over. But I didn't bloviate (I seldom deliver encouraging words like that to strangers without feeling like an ass). But I still learned from thinking about saying it.